In the last two months Kellen has really changed. He is mobile now, but not crawling on all fours. He army crawls everywhere. He is a mama's boy and will reach for me or cry when I leave the room. He is talking constantly and loved to scream at the top of his lungs. He eats anything and everything I put in front of him. He is all boy and is constantly getting into mischief!
It has been over two month since I wrote my last post and I think it has been the hardest two months of my life. Keeping my head above the water was all I could do and sometimes I failed, but through the faith of some amazing friends and trusting in God's plan above my own, I finally feel like I an floating on top of the water again, lungs full of air and enjoying the sunshine.
At the beginning of May both kids got sick. Kellen got his first fever and Mattaya had her first fever in over a year. It took forever for them both to get well and then Kellen stopped sleeping well at night and I was a walking zombie from lack of sleep. My job had gotten really intense. I was getting a lot of pressure to stay on an unrealistic schedule. I was asked to work overtime which added to my already crazy days of getting up at 3:30am and getting home after 6 pm. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was spiraling down hill fast. I ended up getting mastitis that spread to a few lymph nodes and hives covering 90% of my body. My poor husband had to pick up so much slack. He is amazing! He cooked, cleaned and took care of our kids and NEVER once did he complain. I saw the exhaustion in his eyes and I knew that this situation was not only affecting me, but also was really affecting him..
I was not trusting in God. Looking back, I feel like I was the spoiled child with the pity party attitude. I needed help, but had the wool pulled so far over my eyes that I couldn't see it. Some friends of mine had been praying that I get a job closer to home( I commute 1 hr each way) and I am so grateful for their faith. Their faith and grace made me realize that I was not being faithful to God in this situation. I began to pray and restored my faith that God would help. Not a week after I started praying, I applied for 2 jobs for which I was qualified. This was huge as jobs in my area of expertise are far and few between in Montana. Within a few days I got a call for an interview. The interview went really well and I felt encouraged. The person who interviewed me said he would call me early the following week to come in to meet the rest of the staff. But as Thursday rolled around and I had not gotten a call, I was feeling really faithless. I realized that I had a good job and needed to be happy in my situation. God knew what was best for me and I needed to be content. As soon as my attitude changed I got the call for the followup interview! Needless to say I got the job.
Through this time I was not very faithful, but God was faithful to me. I think mostly because of my amazing friends who prayed for me constantly, God blessed me. We need people around us who are faithful when we are struggling. Everyone goes through good and bad times and we all need help! I am grateful for each and everyone one of these ladies for not giving up on me!