Monday, August 8, 2011

Nine Months

Kellen at 9 months
Kellen turned Nine months old on Saturday. He is still the happiest baby ever! It's hard to catch him without a smile on his face and since he as Chad's smile, it tends to melt my heart every time. He is crawling all over the place and getting into everything. He loves to explore and go an adventures.  He is almost 32 inches long and just under 19 pounds. He eats everything and anything I put in front of him. Most of all, he is a mama's boy. He follows me everywhere, needs to cuddle with me for a good 20 minutes when I get home from work, whimpers at my feet if I don't pick him up and squeals with joy when I acknowledge him. It amazes me how fast they grow and change, I never imagined 1 year ago when I was carrying him in my belly all the joy he would bring me!

Submission is NOT a four letter word

Over the last few months several decisions needed to be made in regards to my family and our life. I deferred to my husband. Not many people have understood this. In fact most people look at me as if I said something really wrong when I tell them that my husband is the leader of our household, but  this is what the bible expects(Ephesians 5:22 and  Colossians 3:18).  Does this mean that I am a weak women?Not at all and my husband would agree, but I believe that God has designed things the way he did for a reason and he wants men to lead and women to help them. There is peace in my home, my children are happy, and after ten years, I still have an amazing marriage. That is all the proof I need, so for me and my household, we will follow the Lord!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Months 7 and 8

In the last two months Kellen has really changed. He is mobile now, but not crawling on all fours. He army crawls everywhere. He is a mama's boy and will reach for me or cry when I leave the room. He is talking constantly and loved to scream at the top of his lungs. He eats anything and everything I put in front of him. He is all boy and is constantly getting into mischief!
Kellen 7 months

Kellen 8 months, with sister Mattaya

Faithful God, Faithful Friends

It has been over two month since I wrote my last post and I think it has been the hardest two months of my life. Keeping my head above the water was all I could do and sometimes I failed, but through the faith of some amazing friends and trusting in God's plan above my own, I finally feel like I an floating on top of the water again, lungs full of air and enjoying the sunshine.

At the beginning of May both kids got sick. Kellen got his first fever and Mattaya had her first fever in over a year. It took forever for them both to get well and then Kellen stopped sleeping well at night and I was a walking zombie from lack of sleep. My job had gotten really intense. I was getting a lot of pressure to stay on  an unrealistic schedule. I was asked to work overtime which added to my already crazy days of getting up at 3:30am and getting home after 6 pm. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was spiraling down hill fast.  I ended up getting mastitis that spread to a few lymph nodes and hives covering 90% of my body. My poor husband had to pick up so much slack. He is amazing! He cooked, cleaned and took care of our kids and NEVER once did he complain. I saw the exhaustion in his eyes and I knew that this situation was not only affecting me, but also was really affecting him..

I was not trusting in God. Looking back, I feel like I was the spoiled child with the pity party attitude. I needed help, but had the wool pulled so far over my eyes that I couldn't see it. Some friends of mine had been praying that I get a job closer to home( I commute 1 hr each way) and I am so grateful for their faith. Their faith and grace made me realize that I was not being faithful to God in this situation. I began to pray and restored my faith that God would help. Not a week after I started praying, I applied for 2 jobs for which  I was qualified. This was huge as jobs in my area of expertise are far and few between in Montana. Within a few days I got a call for an interview. The interview went really well and I felt  encouraged. The person who interviewed me said he would call me early the following week to come in to meet the rest of the staff. But as Thursday rolled around and I had  not gotten a call, I was feeling really faithless.  I realized that I had a good job and needed to be happy in my situation. God knew what was best for me and I needed to be content. As soon as my attitude changed I got the call for the followup interview! Needless to say I got the job.

Through this time I was not very faithful, but God was faithful to me. I think mostly because of my amazing friends who prayed for me constantly, God blessed me.  We need people around us who are faithful when we are struggling. Everyone goes through good and bad times and we all need help! I am grateful for each and everyone one of these ladies for not giving up on me!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

6 Months Old!

Kellen turned 6 months old on Friday! I cannot believe it has been six months since I held my tiny baby boy in my arms for the first time! He is the happiest baby. When I get home from work, he breaks out laughing and doesn't stop until he goes to bed.  He is rolling all over the place and loves to suck on Mattaya's barbie doll's hair, although she is not to thrilled about that. He is sitting by himself and loves to eat. I thank God everyday for this little man and the joy he brings to my life

Lessons in Faith

Faith has always been something I have struggled with. I think it means so many different things to different people. The dictionary defines it as confidence or trust in a person or a thing. I am not a person that trusts easily, yet this is what God wants of us. Before I really began to follow Jesus, I needed to have full and utter control over everything in my life. I couldn't trust the people around me to make the right decisions for me, how on earth was I suppose to trust God? Even after I was baptized and began to live the life of a disciple of Jesus, I still could not let go of the control.

The first time I got a lesson in being faithful to God was when we were trying to have our first baby. I needed control and I took it, yet I was not trusting in God and his timing. I wanted it my way. In the end we lost four babies. The last one we lost could have killed me. This was an eye opener for me. It was the first time that my faith had really been tested and I finally surrendered to the fact that God knew better then I did. I stopped trying to control things. We were told that we could not have biological children. As devastating as this was, it also helped me surrender to God completely. We began to enjoy life again and I turned completely to God.  Eight short months later and by accident, we got pregnant  and 9 months after that I gave birth to an angel. When our daughter was 2 we decided that it might be time to have another baby. This time we left God in complete control and we were blessed with our son. God taught me to be faithful through this, it has helped me to trust in Him more then I ever thought possible.

This brings me to a second situation that I have had to be faithful and the reason I wanted to share this to begin with. About  2 months after we lost our 4th baby, we bought a house in North Bend Washington. It was our dream home and we were so excited! A little over a month after we moved it, it began to rain and it didn't let up. I had just come upstairs after working out and my dog started to bark. I rolled my eyes because I assumed that she was barking at the squirrel that had been harassing her since we moved in. I went and looked downstairs. In the five minutes it had been since I had come upstairs, our downstairs had filled with 2 feet of water. Chad saved what he could because the majority of our stuff was still downstairs. We loaded our pets and a few precious items into our car and we left our house, not  foreseeing the nightmare ahead of us. Since our first flood the house has flooded almost ever year. Some years it has flooded multiple times. In the last 6 months, it has flood three times. We were very forunate to be able to buy another house in Montana, but we could not sell the house in North Bend so we rented it out and began to pray that God would help us sell it to the county. Weeks turned into months and months turned into years and there was no sign that the house would be bought. We had oppurtunities that fell through. We couldn't sell it and we could no longer rent it. We couldn't make the payments anymore. We left it to God. We had one grant that would have bought the house as a short sale, but the bank wouldn't accept it. We had one last grant to apply for and it was our last hope. If this didn't go through we would foreclose and the home could be sold to another unsuspecting family. We asked God to make this grant go through. In Mathew 17:20 it says:

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

We believed and it happened! We sold our house on the day that we needed to so that the house would not be auctioned. No one ever has to live in that house again.  I kept faith and trusted through this situation like I never had before. I still had my moments of anxiety, but I was able to overcome. When we trust completely in God and his plan for us, we will be blessed!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

5 months!

Yikes! Time flies. I forgot to take a picture of Kellen when he turned 5 months, but got one of him a few days later. He is such a happy baby and definitely a mama's boy. He is getting very mobile. He either rolls across the floor or he gets his feet up under him and pushes himself forward. Needless to say Mattaya is not pleased. The number of time I have had to wipe her tears because  Kellen covered her barbie doll's head in drool are countless! He loves to eat and has tried pretty much everything that  I can give him right now. It is so much fun watching my kids grow and change! It just happens way to fast.


Being a working mom with two young children, childcare is something that is always in the front of my mind. Where to put your babies when you cannot be with them is such a hard decision and it is complicated by what you can afford.

I was very fortunate with  Mattaya to have a great friend watch her. It worked out well and I was VERY grateful. Mattaya was loved and cared for like I would have done. When we moved from Washington to Montana we put her in a larger center type of daycare. This was not a good move, the way that they disciplined or should I say the lack of discipline was very bad for Mattaya. At one, she was very stubborn and intense. They would tell her to have "gentle hands" but she didn't understand and would still get very aggressive towards the other kids. This caused problems at home as well, however she was only there for a month as my husband and I both lost our jobs and I got to spend the summer at home with my baby! It was awesome, but when we went back to work in the fall, we needed daycare again. We chose an in home daycare and it was good. The discipline worked for Mattaya and she thrived, but things changed and I really wanted Mattaya in a preschool. She was not enjoying going to daycare and she needed more stimulation. Before Kellen was born I started to feel that she needed something different. Then a few situations happened at daycare that made me really uncomfortable and I knew it was time to change places. She started at a very large daycare center and she loves it! She is thriving and gets mad when we call it "daycare" because it is her school. She is often upset on Fridays because she doesn't get to go.

For Kellen I am also blessed to have a very wonderful friend watching him. He does well with her. She is doing me such a huge favor, I am forever grateful!

Here are some things that I have learned when dealing with daycare

1. Things change. Your child may need more stimulation, structure, or a different environment to continue to grow and learn at their highest potential. Your daycare may change. Turnover can be high at daycares and different people have different ways of working. The care your child was receiving at one point may be different then it is at another. You need to do what is best for you kid, so don't be afraid to change where your child is while you are at work

2. If you are using a friend or family, remember they are doing you a favor, even if you are paying them. Don't ask them to do things above and beyond. Your child should fit into their lives and not the other way around. Do not have expectations that will make your friend or family struggle. Even if you are paying them, often it is a lot less then you would for a nanny and they are getting similar care, so if you want things done a particular way you should hire a real nanny.

3. Keep your child on the same schedule on the weekends that they have during the week. It can be really hard to do, but it helps your kids and your childcare providers. I will admit that I am guilty of not doing this with Kellen, but it wasn't fair to my friend. I now try to stick to his schedule as best as I can on the weekends.

4. ALWAYS watch your child for behaviors issues, changes in attitude, etc. This is often a sign that something is not going right at daycare. If your child doesn't want to go to daycare or if you notice specific behavioral issues after they have been there, question your provider about what is going on, if you are not satisfied get your child out!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Making Memories

Since I have been back at work, Chad and I have made it a priority to get quality time with the kids after dinner until it is bed time. We do many things: Go for walks, play with Mattaya's toys, have a family movie night or just goof off. One of my favorite things is when we play on our bed! Mattaya helps Chad make our bed and often times it turns into an all out wrestling match! When I was a kid I would always climb into bed with my parents in the morning and it is one of my favorite memories. I hope that this time we spend with Kellen and Mattaya will be one of their best memories too.

Thoughts of a Working Mom- Month 2

Being a working mom is hard. Well, being a mom is hard. I know that stay at home moms have it tough too. It is not easy what ever path you choose. Each has its challenges and benefits. As a working mom over the last few months I have learned a lot. I always knew that my family was my priority, but I didn't realize how much I would have to emphasize this at work. Also, I did not realize how much having another child would affect Mattaya. She was fine before I went back to work, but now, she is having a really hard time with it. She tells me almost everyday that she doesn't want me to work. Yesterday she asked me if she could "go to ballet". I told her yes but Daddy would take her. She broke down and said that she wanted me to take her. OUCH. I think my heart broke right there. I wish that they would have classes on Fridays and Saturdays so  I could take her! I hate not being able too, but  because of our situation I have to work. Mattaya wants  and needs me but I am not always there for her. This is one thing I didn't expect and something that makes it so hard for me to go to work. However, I know God's plan for me will be great and I have been blessed tremendously with so much. It maybe hard, but seeing the excitement on her face when I get home makes it all worth while!

Monday, March 28, 2011


I started Kellen on solid food a little over a week ago. He is totally ready and would probably try anything I give him. First off, let me just say how amazed I am at the number of opinions out there as to when to start solids. Mattaya was started on rice cereal at 4.5 months, but we didn't give her anything else until she was 6 months because the doctor warned us about allergies. Now we live in a new city and have a new doctor. She told us to give him what ever we felt like when he is ready and that it doesn't matter when between 4-6 months you start, if they are going to get allergies, they are going to get allergies. Everyone I talk to has been told something different. My philosophy is as a parent you will know when they are ready.

This boy loves to eat!
I started out with rice cereal, but Kellen was not a fan. So we moved on to sweet potatoes, which he loved and then apples and pears. Something I learned from my daughter: it doesn't matter whether you start with fruits or veggies, your baby will like one over the other. I started Mattaya with veggies. That was all I gave her for about a month after we started to introduce her to new foods. Once we started on fruit, that was what she preferred. I forgot that she was an independent human being and even as a baby I could not control what she liked and didn't like. So unless you are willing to only give your baby veggies,  it really doesn't matter what you start with.

When Kellen is full he starts to suck on his fingers. This is definitely an interesting way to let me know he is done, but it works as I cannot get the spoon close to his mouth.
Kellen telling me he is done

I think we will try peas next.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Bad Doctor=Struggling Mom!

Kellen got a cold over a month ago and about three weeks ago I took him to his old doctor because he was still not doing well. I had been avoiding doing this  because our old doctor is not very good and I have had issues with him, but I couldn't see the new one for a few more weeks because we had to "establish care" with her so I broke down and took him in. I am glad I did because he had a double ear infection. That said, the doctor put him on an antibiotic that he shouldn't have. When I questioned him, he got defensive. This is the second time I have had a falling out with him, the first was over vaccinations. I was exhausted from lack of sleep and so I gave in and gave him the antibiotic and  it messed up his stomach. In a few days he had blood in his stool. I took him back for this and they took him off the antibiotic even though his ears were still bad. When I questioned if this was the right move because of the threat of resistant bacteria, he got defensive again. It was only two weeks until we saw the new doctor so I took my child and left. Kellen struggle for those two weeks. He stopped sleeping well and was pretty cranky. Because he was having a hard time, I was really struggling. I have never been so exhausted! I have to get up at 4 am to go to work and I don't tend to get home until around 6 pm. It made for long hard days. My work suffered, my relationship with God suffered, and my relationship with my husband suffered. I was at the end of my rope!
Last Friday I took the kids for their well child checkup with our new doctor and she was amazing. She validated my frustration and got Kellen on the right medicine. He is doing so much better.
As a parent you are the one who should decide what is best for your child, if your doctor does not recognize this, it is time to find a new one!

Monday, March 7, 2011

4 Months!

Kellen turned 4 months old yesterday! Time goes by way to fast and sometimes I just want him to stay little and newborn forever. He is such a happy baby. He is rolling all over the place, sticks everything he can into his mouth, and loves his sister more then anybody!

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Kellen has outgrown his baby bath. I have started giving him his bath in the big tub and he loves it! He splashes and pushes himself all over  the place. He loves it and it is fun to watch.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

So Different

Mattaya 5 months                   Kellen 3 Months
It surprises me every day how different my kids are. They not only look different, but their personalities are on the opposite end of the spectrum. This has been challenging for me with the new baby in a lot of ways. There are things that are easier this time around. Breastfeeding is so much easier. I think knowing what I was doing from the get go really helped. I am also not unsure of things like giving baths, changing diapers, etc., because I am an old pro. That said, I have had a lot of challenges too. Mattaya was such an easy baby. She rarely ever cried and was super easy to schedule. I would feed her at the same time everyday, she napped at the same time, and even when her diapers would be dirty was predictable. She was really intense and really determined. She loved her daddy and wanted him most of the time except when it was time to eat. We never could tell when she was teething or had ear infections and was super happy even when she was sick. Kellen is easy too, but he is very emotional. He will let me know if I am holding him to long or the wrong way, if he is tired or hungry, if he wants a toy or wants to eat, usually with a very intense cry or scream. He has a horrible temper and will often stop breathing and turn purple. He is impossible to schedule. I have tried but he is all over the place. One day he will want to eat every hour, the next he will eat every four hours. He sometimes sleeps through the night, but sometimes he will wake up 3 or 4 times. He sometimes takes 3 good naps and other times doesn't nap at all. He wants mommy all of the time. He is very laid back though if his needs are met. He is very fussy and hard to console when he is sick.

I love seeing how different my kids are. They are so unique and special and they both have taught me so much. I am looking forward to how they grow and change. It is so much fun!!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Grandparents are the Best

We went to Helena this weekend to visit my parents. I have to admit that I had ulterior motives for going as I hate doing taxes and my dad has always helped me. That said, I love going to visit them. They own a really great house up in the woods with tons of things for Mattaya to explore. I grew up in a National Park and spent my childhood immersed in Nature. This is something that I want for my kids and since we live in the city, it is great that they have my parents house to get the Nature experience. There are rocks for her to climb, trees to swing from, and my dad even put a slide in the side of a hill. She has a blast. In the winter there is not much to do, especially when it was as cold as it was this weekend. We went to the carousel and had ice cream  and it was a blast. No matter the season my parents make each visit special and fun.

Mattaya LOVES her grandparents. She asks constantly to be with them. When she gets into trouble or has to be disciplined she asks for her Nana. She asks at least a few times a week if she can go to Helena and live with her Grandparents! I am grateful that my parents have taken time to make Mattaya feel special. I know the same will be true with Kellen.

Grandparents are the best!!

Hanging out at my parent's house

Monday, February 21, 2011

Returning to Work

I went back to work about two weeks ago and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do! Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but it is so hard leaving my kids with other people. Luckily, my mom came out for the first two days and stayed with both of the kids. This turned out to be a good thing as Mattaya ended up sick. The rest of the week went really smoothly. We had a great weekend and then back to work on Monday. This transition was so much easier then after I had Mattaya. I think that I learned a lot from going back to work after her and was more prepared this time. Kellen is going to a friend of mine who is a stay at home mom, so he is getting a lot of love and since I work 4 days a week, I get a lot of extra time with both kids on Fridays.

Here are a few lessons that I learned with both kids that has helped me a ton:

1. If you are breastfeeding start pumping and freezing your milk as soon after you give birth as possible. It takes a while for your body to adapt to pumping so starting early makes it easier once you go back to work. I pump more then Kellen needs, so when he starts eating more, I will still be providing enough. Also, I have about 400 ounces of breast milk frozen, so if I start to dry up, he will get break milk for a longer period of time. I had a hard time pumping with my daughter and she was supplemented with formula from the first day I returned to work. I didn't want that to happen with Kellen, so I really prepared to pump and the work has paid off!

2. Find care that you are comfortable with. I was not comfortable with putting my baby in a daycare. I am grateful that I have such good friends that can watch my babies for me. Mattaya goes to daycare now and she thrives but she needs the structure and interaction that daycare provides. However, she did not go to daycare until she was 1 year old . I had a friend watch her too and it gave me a piece of mind.

3. Get your priorities right. The first thing that I do when I get home is give love to both kids. My husband is my priority, but he understands that the kid's needs are immediate and he can wait a bit. My daughter has had a harder time with me going back to work than my son even though she was in daycare the whole time. I acknowledge her first, give her hugs, then I feed Kellen. Also, house work, dinner, etc., are not as important to me as my kids, so often dinner will be late, or the house will be messy, but my kids are happy.
When I do have to do things, I include my daughter so she gets the time with me she needs. She has helped me cook dinner every night of the last two weeks!

4. Remember that you are always going to be Mommy. This was hard for me to accept after my daughter was born, but now that she is older I have realized that no matter who watches her, she always wants me! The look of joy on her face when I get home from work is priceless.  I know I will always be #1 in her life.

5. Put your husband first. This is hard to do with young kids, but it is God's expectation for us. A child should never replace your husband. Children will eventually grow up and move away. Your husband will be with you until you are old and gray. Children will find their own lives but your husband should be yours. As I stated above, I acknowledge and spend time with the kids right when I get home, but my husband always comes first. I will never put my kids ahead of him. This makes not only my marriage strong, but it also makes my kids happy.

These are just a few things that have helped me. I know there will be more in the months to come!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

My family

My Husband Chad:

I am married to the most wonderful guy in the world. We have been together for 12 years and married for 10. He is the best father, husband and friend anyone could ever have. We have lived through high’s and low’s, loss of babies, natural disasters, and so much more. I have been with him my whole adult life and he has taught me so much that I never would have learned on my own. He provides for our family and works so hard for us. I am blessed to have him in my life.

My Daughter Mattaya:
There are so many words to describe my beautiful daughter: happy, full of energy, challenging, sure of herself, confident. She keeps me on my toes. Everyday she brings me joy. She constantly is challenging my convictions and showing me my flaws, but she loves me anyway. She just turned three last weekend and she is definitely in her independent streak. She is a miracle and I thank God everyday for her.
My Son Kellen:
Boys are so different! I have learned so much from this little man in the three short months since he joined our family. He is such a happy baby. He is definitely mama's boy. He loves his sister so much already. I am looking forward to watching he grow and develop into a little man!